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Wednesday, December 4, 2013

THE CONFESSION : The confession of a clown prince.




“What do you mean by the lotus looked cool? You were supposed to hit that button with palm marked on it.” A typically popular non-Indian voice echoed through the large window of that lavish building. With the pitch and intensity of the voice anyone can gauge that someone is pissed real bad. But there was no one to hear that scream.
“But… but… but… Mommy it’s not my fault. It was so-so cute. I really wanted to press the button which you told me but I just couldn’t stop myself. You know I love flowers too much. I am really very sorry.” A 42-year old kid standing on kneels, pulling both his ears with his hands. Our reporter couldn’t recognize him but he surely knew who that lady was. He was stunned.
“You are such a stupid. Do you have any idea how big was that.” The lady snapped in wrath. She was furious like anything.
“Please forgive me mommy. Can we undo it.?” The kid asked though he knew the response.
“What do you think it is? A bloody parliamentary bill passed by cabinet which we can revoke anytime we want? No. It’s not.” She replied her own question.
“I am admitting my mistake momma. I am really, really sorry. I will never do that again, I swear.” The kid placed on his head as if making a promise.
“It’s Okay. I can deal with that. And yes, never make a promise that you couldn’t keep over time. Remember that.” The lady told her son as she ran her hands over his head in motherly affection.
“Please don’t do that mom. You are messing my hairstyle.” The kid yelled back.
“Awww.. mele laja beta ko gussa aa gaya.”
“Idea.!!!” The kid snapped his finger as if he found the cave of gold.
“Now what?” her mother anticipated another sort of crap provided she known him the best.
“I want to be the king.” His eyes flashed as he flexed his muscles.
“No beta. We live in a democratic country. You can’t rule here being in apparent power. The only way you can rule is by cloaking yourself beneath pretentious sacrifice and holding the ultimate power without leaving any clue to support it.”
“Just like you have done so far. Right mommy?” He jumped as if he cleared the N-th level of CANDY CRUSH.
“Hah. My baby is grown up now.” Lady mocked him fondly.
 “Yes mommy. I am a complain boy.” He flexed his muscles again.
She didn’t say anything. She just smiled looking at his kid whose mind refused to grow up 32 years ago. He looked so adorable in that milky white kurta. She even didn’t mind the uneven beard on his face. Although she always insists him to shave it but he liked it that way and she liked him so much. So it is there.

A moment of silence prevailed but soon broken by that childish tone of voice – “Then I wanna be a Prime Minister.” He declared.
“No son. I can’t let you become one. It’s too dangerous. Direct power as you know is like poison. Avoid that. And I don’t want any further argument over that.” She told him decisively.
He wanted to talk about that, asking her why to hear the same reason again for the millionth time. But he stopped himself knowing that the blunder he did today. He turned to leave the room.
“Now where are you going?”
“Don’t know. Maybe I should watch POGO or would study some more about Jupiter’s escape velocity.”

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Honour Killing- misplaced sense of Indian Tradition



Indian culture as we see it today is perhaps the most misunderstood definition of culture of all time. What happens in Haryana is just a reflection of the same. A young couple was killed and their body was butchered into multiple pieces as punishment for the love they had with each other. It’s horrifying even in the wildest dream but it is the naked truth of the society. What is more painful is the killer family has nothing to regret. Instead, they are proud for what they have done. How on earth a parent can butcher their kids in such an atrocious manner? This is beyond the logics and humanity per se.

Nonetheless, 6 members of the family have been arrested and they take no shame in associating their pride to validate this murder. In their own words, they have done this to save the Indian Culture and tradition and sent a message to the society that love is a non-acceptable offence which may leads to the state like this. Bizarrely thousands of people of CIVILIZED SOCIETY have already vindicated what has been done by the perpetrators and are demanding for their immediate acquittal.

Few of them have already proclaimed the murderers’ as the savior of the Indian culture and traditions in their interview and debates held on national TV channels. Well, talking about Indian culture let me make one thing clear that I am not a hard-core believer of the Indian Culture and tradition. Yet I have issues with the definition put forward by the society which we live in. My beliefs are based on the mythological theories and associated books.

It is quite interesting to note that PURDAH SYSTEM in India was not prevalent during the times of Mahabharata and Ramayana. It was brought and put on us forcibly by the Mughals which we accepted reluctantly over time during late medieval period. Nobody knows when this resentful imposition have becomes our tradition. We are now having a perception that ladies are made to confine within the boundaries of their home only. The women not veiling themselves are often criticized for their character and declared spoilt. In fact the introduction of Purdah system has satisfied the ego of males and their dominant believes they later turned this evil law into a tradition to ensure their dominancy. Now that globalization and economic liberalization have brought the modern thoughts of equality among society, the dominant class is unable to digest the phenomenon of rapid shattering of their dominancy.

As an extension of the aforementioned reason, a large portion of majority in our society believes that woman have no right to chose their bride. Paradoxically if we peak into the basis of the tradition ~ the Vedas, we shall know that male in then society never have had any privilege to select their bride and it’s the female who were permitted to choose their groom. Svyamvars are the backing mechanism for this theory. There is no such Svayamvar was held for males. However there are few incidents in our mythologies which enunciate the contradictory status of women rights but if we go in depth of the arguments they would also seems like the extension of female liberalism. It is quite noteworthy that Indian culture in reality is the most liberal culture in the world. Following a tradition was never a compulsion and was introduced as an option according to the will and convenience of the follower and this is perhaps the most vital reason why people opted these tradion with great zeal and enthusiasm.

Besides, our constitution has also banished such heinous act and tough punishments are recommended in IPC for killing any innocent. In this way, our baseless believes and hollow traditional impositions. Nevertheless, being a nation of prominent judicial system, we do believe in our system and hope that the culprits shall be convicted justly and promptly. Justice prevails, hopefully.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

MahaIndia 2014 - inspired from Mahabharat.


Scene 1:

Shri Obama so rahe the. Itne me Manmohana waha pahuncha aur unhe sota hua dekh sirhaane baith gaya. Thodi der baad Rajnatha bhi waha pahuncha. Usne Manmohana ko dekh ek jhoothi muskurahat fenki aur Shri Obama ke paaon ki taraf pade stool pe baith gaya. Thodi der baad Shri Obama ji ka phone baja - ringtone thi "Chalat musafir moh liyo re Hillary Clintonwaa". Shri Obama jaage. Manmohana aur Rajnatha ko baitha dekh unhone phone pe baat karna thik nahi samjha.

Unhone apni African touch wali muskurahat ke saath poochha - Mitro ! Kaise aana hua ?

Manmohana - Ji apko to gyaat hoga ki MahaIndia yudh shuru hone wala hai. Rani Somaiya ji chaahti hain ki aap humari sahaayta karein.

Rajnatha - Ji namashkar ! Main bhi apki sahayta ki asha lekar aaya hoon.

Manmohana - Pehle main aaya tha. To pehle meri baari.

Rajnatha (gusse me khade hokar) - Ghanta ! Hum prabhu ke sachhe bhakt hain. Bas angrezi se thodi khit pit hai humari. Par bhakti mein koi kami nahi. Yadi humein pehle sahayta maangne ka mauka nahi diya to ye sabha yahi sthagit hogi.

Shri Obama - Baith jaiye please Baith jaaiye. Dono ko mauka milega.

Manmohana - Prabhu ! To kya Meera bhi apki friend hain?

Shri Obama - Arey valentine day waale sawaal baad me poochna. Abhi to meri nazar pehle paaon ki ore baithe huwe pe padi. To Rajnatha ko pehla mauka.

Rajnatha ne Manmohana ki taraf dekh apni muskurahto ko apne kaan tak pahuncha diya.

Manmohana - Theek hai.

Shri Obama to Rajnatha - Guru ! Ho ja shuru !

Rajnatha - Prabhu ! To kya Siddhu paaji bhi apke friend hain?

Shri Obama (in Akshay Kumar of Hera Pheri style) - Aye ! Tu itni tension mat le re ! Waise hi baal kam hai tere. Aisa hi raha to Ganjo ki minority se majority me shaamil hojaayega. Ye tumhare Friendship Day waale sawaal kabhi aur pooch liyo. Abey kyu bachhche ka time kharab kar riya hai. Kaam ki baat bol kaam ki.

Manmohana iss par thoda sa muskuraaya. Thik waise jaise grumpy cat "Isne to hansa diya BC" wale photo meme mein hansti hai.

Shri Obama - Aur haan. Main khud actively part nahi le sakta MahaIndia yudh mein. As Pakistan bura maan jaayega.

Rajnatha - Prabhu ! Humare sabse mahaan yodha ko Visa dene ka kasht karein. Namodi ko.

Manmohana (naam sunte hi khaanste hue) - Prabhu ! Toilet kidhar hai?

Rajnatha ( muskurate hue ) - Jaldi jaao. Jo desh mein failaaya hai , wo yaha Safed House me mat faila dena.

Shri Obama ( Toilet ki taraf ishaara karte hue ) - Udhar jaiye ! Please Udhar jaiye !

Jis speed se Manmohana toilet ke andar bhaage, Ram Gopal Verma ne dekha hota to Bhaag Manmohana Bhaag bana daalte.

Manmohana ke jaate hi...

Rajnatha - Prabhu ! Visa mil jaayega na?

Shri Obama - Dekh Rajnatha. Koi bhi secret talk nahi. Manmohana ke aane ke baad baat karenge. Tum ye batao wo Lakadvani ji kaise hain? Mere par-dada aur wo ek hi umar ke the. Fark sirf itna tha ki mere par-dada itne mahatvakankshi nahi the. To chal basey.

Rajnatha - Prabhu ! Wo par-dada wali daya hum par bhi kar dijiye na... Achche hain Lakadvani ji.

Itne mein Shri Obama ji ka doosra mobile baj utha - ringtone thi " Michelle badnaam hui Obama tere liye".

Shri Obama ( sharmaate hue ) - Hum aate hain.

Thik doosri taraf toilet mein Manmohana bhi mobile pe vyast tha.

Manmohana - Haan. Hello ! Manmohana bol raha.

Doosri taraf se koi bachha bola - Sahebaa. Goonga bola. khi.. khi.. khi.. khi..

Manmohana - Arey Yuvraj Rawula ! Rani Somaiya ko phone dijiye.

Rawula - Arey Uncle, meri nayi speech to sun lo. "India is a fenkular country". Namodi ko troll kar doonga. Aur media mein halla hua tha, to keh doonga " My dad had a dream ki main 'sa' ko 'fa' bolu".

Manmohana ( mann hi mann sochta hai ) - Yaar ye Shakespeare ki mentally-disabled aulaad yudhh me humaari lutiyaa hi nahi poori Swiss baalti bhi dubo dega.. apni moorkhta se.

Rawula - Manmohana Uncle, lijiye mummy aagayi.

Rani Somaiya - Haan Mannu bolo. Wo Italy waalo se baat ho rahi thi. Funds vagerah ke liye. Tum batao. Prabhu Obama maane?

Manmohana - Rani Somaiya ki jai ho ! Andhi Parivaar bina khatm hue hi amar rahe ! Arey Rajnatha bhi yaha aaya hua hai. Aur Namodi ke liye Visa maang raha. Meri to darr ke maare Sherwaani bheeg gayi.

Rani Somaiya - aye???

Manmohana - arey Rani ji paseene se.. paaseene se..

Rani Somaiya - Chinta ka vishaye hai. Khair abhi Diggyacharya aur Sibbalathhama ko bolti hoon. Human Rights aur Secularism waale astra-shastra ka istemaal wo bhali bhaanti jaante hain. Fenku teer bhi istemaal me lene ke rights hain unke paas.

Manmohana - Par main kya maangu. Wo 65 mantriyo waali chitthi ki copy to jeb mein hi reh gayi. Us se pehle hi Rajnatha ne baazi maar li.

Rani Somaiya - Arey chitthi ab mat dikhaao. Maine Prabhu ki ardhaangini Michelle ko bhej di hai. Chitthi waali baat unki bedroom talks mein simat jayegi. Tum funds maango funds...development ke naam par. Poverty eradication ke naam par. Food Security Bill ka jo jhaansa praja ko diya hai , usmein bada maal andar karna hai.

Manmohana - Theek hai.

Idhar Rajnatha hawa me ungliyaa chalaate hue apne aap se hi baat kar raha tha. Shri Obama ka network connection gadbad tha. Manmohana ke aate hi , saubhagya se network bhi aagaya ( Telecom Kraanti isey nahi kehte hain ).

Khair, Shri Obama ka phone lag gaya.

Shri Obama - Haan Michelle bolo?

Smt. Michelle - Jaanu ! Koi letter aaya hai. Shayad Rani Somaiya Andhi ke yahaan se. Spelling mistake hogayi hai. Soniya Gandhi likh diya hai. Par tum to jaante hi ho main kitni smart hoon. To maine jhatt se samajh liya Rani Somaiya ka hai.

Shri Obama - Zaroori meeting mein tha.

Smt Michelle - Arey ! Tum ab mujhe pehle jitna pyaar nahi karte. Hillary jabse sangat mein aayi hai tabse..... U know Barky, I always knew all the guys are same.

Shri Obama - Hah ! As if I classified them on the basis of inches of their assets. Kaam ki baat bolo kaam ki baat.

Smt Michelle - Safed House aati hoon tab khabar leti hoon tumhari. Aur suno ye koi 65 mantriyo ki chithi hai. Kisi Namodi ka Visa na dene ke liye request kiye hain. Naam se to bada hot banda lagta hai. Aur suno , I love You.

Shri Obama ( saamne rakhi Hillary ki tasveer dekhte hue) - I love you two.

Shri Obama ji ne phone kaata. Waapas aakar yatha sthaan viraaje.

Rajnatha - Prabhu ! Namodi ke Visa ke baare me kya socha?

Shri Obama - Dekho ispe vichaar karenge. Humare yaha perfect democracy hai. Tumhare yaha jaisa nahi ki ekk hi family 60 saal se desh chala rahi apni marzi se. Hum vichaar karenge.

Rajnatha rote hue khada hota hai aur kehta hai - Prabhu ! Dhyaan rakhiyega.

Aur aansu pochhte hue nikal jaata hai.

Shri Obama - Ye itna senti kyu hai Namodi ko lekar. Khair ab tum bhi bolo Manmohana.

Manmohana - Prabhu ! Humein apse sirf teen cheezein chahiye. Funds , Funds aur Funds. Taki praja ka vikas ho paaye.

Shri Obama - Haan. Mantriyo ka vyaktigat vikas hi praja ka vikas hai tum logo ke liye to. Khair, koi nahi hum apni Image Sudharak team se baat karenge. Wo jaisi rai denge, hum usi pe amal karenge. Aur is baar Funds ka kuchh hissa apne Yuvraj Rawula pe bhi kharch dena. Taaki uska state of mind thik ho jaaye.

Manmohana - Theek hai.

Manohana ke kaksh se jaate hi ek daas bhaagte hue aata hai.

Das - Prabhu ! Do mail aaye hain- ek Manish Tewari ka aur ek kisi anjaan ka.

Shri Obama - Manish Tewari kaun? Main nahi jaanta. uska mujhe mat bata, delete kar de. Wo anjaan wala bata.

Das - Jo aagya Prabhu ! Us anjaan ne likha hai "Namodi ko Visa na dene waale 2014 ke yuddh ke baad khud Visa maangte firenge".

Shri Obama - Mera bhi Taj Mahal dekhne ka koi plan nahi hai. Khair ab humein vishraam karne do. Jaate jaate Hillary madam ko soochit kar dena Michelle madam shaam se pehle Safed House nahi aane waali.

Shri Obama Safed House ki chhat taakte hue rangeen sapno me kho jaate hain aur wapas so jaate hain.

-----------------------------
The title was changed at the last moment.
Written By - #Agent1947 .
Produced By - Team Mission India Possible.
Supported By - #Agent0015 , #Agent0008 and #Agent1857 .




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Declaimer: This post does not belongs to us by any mean and has been copied originally from the Facebook Page "Mission India Possible". The credits and likes should be given to them.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Vote - For Sale

To,
Smt. Sonia Gandhi
10, Janpath. Delhi.

Subject: - Promise-cum-bargaining letter to negotiate on my vote value for upcoming assembly election.

Dear Madam,
         Most respectfully, myself, Bhopali fan of the Joker wants to say that I am a big very-very huge fan of yours and thereby sending this letter in hope of encashing my fanship by manipulating my underrated vote into a preset commercial bidding. As being an Aam Aadmi (popularly known as Mango man of Banana Republic, thanks to your son-in-law our national Son-in-law, Robert Vadra Gandhi) I have keen inclination of taking the temporary benefits mindlessly, even if I know it would destroy my future, I am trying to look for the best deal any political (or purportedly non-political) party can provide for my often highly underrated electoral right. And I firmly believe that yours’ is one such party. Although I am also having a talk from other parties as well, as I want this deal to be professionally perfect but yet I strongly believe that none of them can offer me the remuneration (or equivalent benefits) as compared to yours.

I solemnly certify, in all my senses, that I am making this decision of selling my vote with my own wish. I also declare that I am not under effect of any alcoholic drink or hallucinating narcotic drugs while writing this letter. Neither does anybody have forced me for the same.

Oh sorry! I almost forget to introduce myself. I am one of the billion anonymous faces among public who is often ignored at more or less every political or government decision and abruptly become extremely popular right before election. We usually look broken and fatigued because we lack in considerable toughness and are unable to withstand the sudden impact load of expectation and substantial importance beyond our resilience, imposed upon us. We are the one who sell their vote in lieu of a free bottle of alcohol or free chicken. Nevertheless, hard cash serve the purpose very best. Although there is an associated risk persisted with hard cash transfer, both for we the people and the political leaders from the people. Besides, a considerable percentage of it used to be trimmed down by the intermediaries actively working between us making the trade difficult. I personally want to congratulate you for zillion times in support of introduction of DIRECT BENEFIT TRANSFER (DBT) right before the election to ensure the proper and complete reach of right money to the right people direct into our bank account. Now we don’t have to look for the compassion of the Sarkari Babus to receive what we deserve. All we have to do is to get ourselves ADHAR No. linked with our bank account. We have to make sure to show our income below what is specified for measuring Poverty line, which we can get by spending few hundred bucks to concerned sarkari office. Lucrative investment indeed. However we expect you to bring some similar change in other departments too. We are irrevocably thankful for your consistent effort to introduce ADHAR throughout the nation without even introducing in parliament. Well… what’s the point of being in power when you can’t defy the Parliament? Good move indeed.
I am not going into much detail about your obligatory duties of 2G, CWG, COAL-GATE and uncountable several other achievements as they are not giving any direct benefits to us.

Nonetheless, I want to tell you that other political rival of yours are trying harder to entice us by introducing 19.33% minority reservation, Ram-Mandir etc etc etc. Beware of them.

Time constraint doesn’t allow me to express my complete gratitude toward you and your party. I hereby submit my business proposal and request you to send me your offer quoting the best deal you can offer. Rest in subsequent letters...

Assuring of our best relation for all times.
Thanking you.

Regards,
Almost Engineer.
Date: 24-08-2013

Place: De’mock’ratic India.



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PS: This letter is purely created for free entertainment and is not intended to defame anybody. Apology for mistakes, if any. 

Those who don't like it can simply go to hell.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Another Love at First Sight: DDLJ style



The train blows the whistle. People started to get into the train as if the horn was the signal they were waiting for the same. They stuffed inside the compartment as the train rolled slowly on its parallel iron rail-track, tending to leave the platform. It accelerates as it moves further with time. All of a sudden, when it was about to leave the station platform, I saw her running as fast as she could towards the train, as if her life depends on it. I was still at the gate of the coach, waiting for her to reach and hold her hand so that I can pull her inside. I knew she’ll make it. She can’t leave this train at any cost, I believed. I was damn sure. After all, I grew up watching bollywood movies where a heroine had never (Ok.  In most of the cases) missed her train. And she seem like a heroine to me; Calm, cute, beautiful, scared, lovable yet enduring. They are just meant to overtake this relative distance. It’s in their DNA.

I should have pulled the chain to stop the moving train so that she could get inside easily. But what the heck.!!  I knew if SRK could do it, why can’t me. She also seemed very much inspired by Kajol from the movie DDLJ, running apparently faster that Usain Bolt-in slow motion- to catch the train. She could have caught the train by using the other gate of the same bogie if she wanted, but she didn’t. Some stories are best imagined in Yashraj-scripted style only. We were destined to meet. I liked her stupidity.

Nonetheless, despite of the accelerated speed of train, she traced the distance and finally reached and holds my hand. Indian female athletes should learn athletics from her. Had she ran in London Olympics, she must have won the gold medal for India; a sudden thought strikes my mind.  I pulled her Inside and we fell on the train floor with she was lying upon me, her bag over her, with her eyes were closed. It hurts. It should hurts. When a 50 kg of mass moving at a greater speed collides with any person and the momentum imparts by elastic collision, it is destined to hurt. It’s simple physics. Also, ironically there was no music played in background when our eyes met. Neither did we felt any special emotions, as they show in movies- except the cringe of pain due to impact of my body with the train floor and her body mass. I was sandwiched between her and the train floor: literally and physically.

We settled down at our respective seats which unfortunately wasn’t facing each-other. We hardly got any opportunity to see each-other to converse during the journey. I deboarded the train at my destination, with crumbling heart and burning desires but couldn’t see her. I left for my home with a pain that I couldn’t bid her goodbye, and several other things I had dreamt off. But deep down in my heart, I was pretty sure that we will meet someday. Just like I was sure about meeting again every other girl I had ever seen.

But I didn’t find her; neither did I try to look for it. It took me desires of few beautiful faces a bottle of Vodka and 2 weeks to put her thoughts into the hardly-accessed section of my memory. It’s been 2 weeks that I had spent in my hometown. Same female faces, same boring schedule and same home-made food aren’t very exciting anymore. I desperately need a change. Hopeful for the next “LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT”.


PS:  This piece was written when I last visited my city: Bhopal.

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About Me

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Bhopal. Delhi. Mumbai. Thrissur, India
A grammatically challenged blogger. Typos are integral part of blogging