Tuesday, March 20, 2012

When god did a research on earth

God had planned about creating adatabase which contains every details of each and every attribute of universe. He had collected the data about every planet of all the solar systems of every galaxy by himself. But due to very vast diversity on earth, he had decided to hire a professional for this job. He published a job interview notification  in "TIMES of UNIVERSE" newspaper and consequently hired Narada Muni considering his powerful mediator & management skills and also by the reference of several T.V. serials creadted by RAMANAND SAGAR, on earth.

As being the most suitable candidate for this post, Narada had demanded a high salary package for which god had no options other than accepting it. God could hire a fresher or comparatively any less suitable candidate at relatively low salary but he doesn't want any loop-hole in this data-base. Also since people on earth  could possibly give wrong information if they thinks that this survey is conducted for next 5-year-plan by Universal-planning-commission of god, in hope of any favour this time.

He summuned Narada via telepathy for this unique and innovative job. Narada had immidiately appeared from nowhere by the help of his teleport travelling technique. After formal greeting, god told him about his wish to create a true and accurate database.

GOD:    Narada Muni! You know, I want this database to be complete soon. I had collected almost every data about this universe except this Earth which seems very complicated to me. The sole purpose of hiring you at this big salary package is to make my database true accurate & detailed. I trust your skills and also people on earth respect you most among every other staff of our Universal Committee.

NARADA:  Thank you Godji for considering me for this great honour. I promise you that I'll never let you down. But I wanted you to provide me sufficient fund for this project, in addition of my salary.

GOD:(with exclamation on his face):  But I had already gave you the biggest ever salary package. Why on earth You need extra fund? Are you trying to bluff me?

NARADA:  No no Godji. No one can  bluff you in this entire Universe but as far as I know this earth till now, this project would be the most expensive in the history of Universe. You know Godji, Inflation is at its maximum there on earth. Additionally there are travel expenses, medical expenses and administrative expenses etc. But you don't worry, I would keep account of every penny.

GOD:     Why you need travel expenses when you have your own teleporting technique? Also I don't think you need medical expenses because I had surveyed all the universe without any of them.

NARADA:  Godji, teleport service would be difficult to use there. There is a country called America which had pretend themselve as the moniter of EARTH. They had very powerful interceptor technique which could automatically detect and destroy me even without interrogation. Also since since earth is the most polluted planet, I'd definately need this medical expenses.

GOD:  ok ok, I understood. But one thing I still need to know is about administrative expenses? What exactly this is?

NARADA:  Godji, this is an exclusive way of getting your job done  at the few extra bucks. This can relaxes all the rules, laws and legal issues. Technically this is known as Corruption in which you have to bribe Authorities to get Visa, lisence and permissions which would be needed for this project. Most of the times, you to pay pseudo officials like peons, gatekeepers etc.

GOD:   My goodness! This is really ver tough. I thought it would be hard to get this job done but not that tough by hiring you. Anyways, get this job done at earliest . I'd ask our cashier KUBER to provide you sufficient fund. Goodluck.

NArada went to earth by his private spacejet for which he had to get permission from NASA at the cost of few million dollors and one month of valuable time. He visited each and every town of every nation of earth and collected information. He had to face various challenges and protests. Some Iraqi people had hurled shoes at him. A guy called Harvinder Singh had even slapped him in public thinking he was Sharad Pawar, though later he had appologized for the same.

He had to bribe every official and pseudo officers for the sake of his project. After years of survey, he returned to Heaven with a huge collection of Hard disks containing all the posssible information about earth. He had returned in latest Denim jeans, Peter England Shirt, Armani Blazer and Rayban Glasses. God welcomed him with great affection.

GOD:    Welcome Narad Muni, Welcome. What took you so long to complete this project? I thought you had forget your job and settled there on earth. (god said sarcastically)

NARADA:(chuckling) Getting American Visa is too tough godji, otherwise I would have settled there. By the way, Godji, this job was most difficult I had ever did. I had toi face  various difficulties there. I m totally exhausted. Uffffffffffff...

GOD:   You had changed your look totally. And where are your all golden Ornaments. By the way you looks awesome.

NARADA: Thank you godji. Actually once I was running out of monbey and there was no network reception in this small Indian town. I tried to contact KUBER from a local PCO there but they provide only local calls. So, in order to get somemoney, I had to mortage all those golds to get quick bucks from MUTHOOT GOLD LOAN. Godji, they are simply awesomne. They had gave me loan in just 3 minutes.

GOD:(with surpirse): wow! Thats really awesome. What they need alongwith golds?

NARADA: Oh nothing much. Just few form fill ups and gold loan is all yours.

GOD:    Oh, and what's there in those small boxes? (pointing to hard disks)

NARADA: These are hard disks. They are very compact and containing very large amount of data. Technology had become very advanced these days.

GOD(chuckeled):  hmmm.. seems like you did a great job. But before I study all these data , can you please give me some overview about this.

NARADA:  Sure Godji, it would be my pleasure.

"Earth is really a unique planet. Among 84 million various creatures, humans are most dominating organism. They are intellegent but are most selfish and ego-istic. They had divided the entire earth into small parts called continents, countries, states, cities etc. They fight among each other for these small pieces of lands. They had domesticated several animals and also kills wild animals: sometimes for need, some time for mere pleasure. They had made several lethal weapons which can kill millions of lives in few seconds. They increas the counting of these weapons toi show their power and dominance. They are the most funny creature; they cut down trees, made pulp from them, turn it into paper and wrtes slogans like "SAVE TREES" on it.

There is a country called United states of America or USA which considers itself the king of this Universe. There only job is to destroy the other countries which disobeys them. They had dominated entire world. They owns biggest stack of lethal weapons which they uses time to time. They apparantly every nation.

There is a country called CHINA whose main job is to copy theproducts of branded companies and sale these fake products in international market at very low prices. They had banned several rights of their countrymen. They make some crappiest kungfu and fighting movies. Some intellegent youth programmers are busy in hacking the database of countries and steal their informations. Even our database was once hacked by them.

A country called JAPAN is the home of very hard working, determined and intellegent peoples but they are destroyed everytime by this natural calamaties called Earthquakes, Tsunamis etc.

A country called Australia is busy in racism and sports. Rest of the world is relatively non-happening except this two asian neighbour countries called INDIA and PAKISTAN. They are most different nations  and it took some 7 years to study about INDIA itself.

GOD(with childish excitement):  Wow! tell me more about them.

NARADA: Both countries are sister nations originated from the same piece of land few decades ago. There mutual job is to fight each other. Pakistan is relatively very small country but in all other aspects, they are same as India. Some Pakistani morons kills peoples by exploding bombs in India with the help of some Indian Morons. India in turns asks USA for taking any action and USA zipped their mouth with a lollipop of World piece."

GOD:    Tell me some thing about India. It seems very Interesting  country. Isn't it?

NARADA: "Ofcourse Godji, it is the most interesting country you could ever imagine. INDIA is run by a silent robotic prime minister who himself controlled by an Italian lady. Indian peoples can also be called child-production-machines. They are fastest in population growth as china had almost checked their popuylation rate comparatively. India is on the verge of becoming china in terms of reducing citizen rights. Thougfh I had recieved a slap on my cheek under their right to protest.

India is the mother nation of corruption. Here corruption is like a religion; whether you want or not, you have to follow them. Alsopeople here are super-busy in fighting in the name of religion, region, caste and creed etc. They can even kill thousands of peoples to prove the superiority of their caste and religion.

India is probably only biggest country in the world whioch worships female goddesses and kills female childs, even before their birth. They don't go for vote but talks always about poor governance. They are the same people who breaks rules and bribe officials to avoid legal cases. Here few extra bucks guarantees your job done before time, whether it is legal or not. They jump red lights, ignores rules, littre roads and then curse adminstration for all these."

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Bhopal. Delhi. Mumbai. Thrissur, India
A grammatically challenged blogger. Typos are integral part of blogging